"Chia..." I said, caving into my husband's arms. "It's too painful... I... I don't know what to do." I felt my grip around his waist become more intense and just like that, warm and relentless tears came gushing down my face. "I feel numb" I continued, as I try to grapple whatever words that would fathom the state of helplessness that has overwhelmed me. He held me securely, tight enough so that I felt safe, but not too tight to make me feel trapped. My husband's arms are the best pain relief I've ever known. It's warm, secure and always inviting. After making a snort and saliva art on my husband's shirt, I decided to quit the drama and do the wise thing. Pray!
I prayed two rakaats to ask Allah swt help me find a solution and ease the pain; so I can be the strong leader that my team needs. After all, I am a strong headed dictator. It is only fair that I try to accompany my stubbornness with strong character, or so I thought.
I thought about the countless times I've been in this state. The feeling of helplessness and numb. It baffled me why Allah swt told us to seek His help through patience and prayer (2:153). There's a lot I don't understand about God, but it didn't matter whether I understood God or not. It was more important that I do what I am told by Him, because so far, my life has been working out so well being a Muslim and all. Was life perfect as a Muslim? No. But I have come so far in terms of self-improvement. I have become a better version of myself, and I am not going to let that go easily.
I'm not going to be overzealous and call myself an expert on self-improvement or anything, but my mum has been giving me so many brownie points on being her pride and joy these days. hahah... So if I could sum up the 5 #LtDessentials of what any woman would need in a life full of drama... ooops... I mean tests (got it, Allah! hhahahha), it would be:
1. Guidance - knowledge and action based on Quran and Sunnah.
2. Strength - to protect the values that we hold in life.
3. Patience - putting in the work and understanding that the results will not come tomorrow.
4. Perseverance - going through painful challenges that will make us grow-up and mature.
5. Kindness - to love others and not be afraid to put ourselves out there.
And now back to you, the core #LtDwomen. I'd like you to close your eyes and think of yourself in a Jane Austen movie. You're standing at the edge of a beautiful and majestic cliff, with hurls of waves gushing and frantically crashing on to each other. You feel the wind howling and blowing on your beautiful God given face and it's a bit chilly, but you don't mind. Today, you're feeling strong and beautiful, in your new #LtDessentials dress that is! haha.. Are you there? If you are, then....
Start to think about all the fears and insecurities you have. Look at them real hard and say, "I am ready to let you go." Say it a couple of times, out loud if you need to until you fully believe in what you're saying. Done?
Now put them in a mental box and throw them, with all the strength and might you have, throw them real hard from the edge of that cliff. You can see it been thrown into the depths of the sea, where they shall sink far below in the dark blue ocean. It's gone now... and you feel relieved. You notice that the dark, grey and humongous clouds starts to move, welcoming the ray of sunlight that is slowly creeping in. You know exactly too well what is happening. The tides are shifting and you're about to be the hero in your own movie.
You feel a hint of sadness, knowing that you've been carrying the insecurities far too long. 'How could you let it happen for so long?' you ask yourself. But you're done with it. And at this point, you're just too relieved that it's all gone. You suddenly realised that you feel lighter, even with all the carbs you've been stuffing yourself lately! haha.. You start to remember what it was like to be a child again. 'Is that a smile creeping on my face?' you ask yourself while your head is spinning just thinking about all the possibilities of what's to come. 'Could it really be possible to get what I want in life?' as the conversation with yourself unravels and completely throws you of guard. And with full certainty and absolute, you answer to yourself 'YES!'
Now go get whatever it is you that want in life!
Dress: Aliya in Flesh/Ivory
Bag: Salvatore Ferragamo
Brooch: Verstyle Vintage